Dr. Swisher, In High School I went with a boy for two years. We were with each other most of the time until this Summer where he traveled abroad. He just texted me to say he has been unfaithful and has been living with a German girl the last few weeks. I’ve been reading your column every week at toledoblade.com and I trust you. I am mixed up. What should I do? Tiffany, Ottawa Hills
Hi Tiffany. Thank you for your kind words and for writing to me about this very personal challenge that you are facing. It took a lot of courage for you to write to our Column and to request that I help you in this very public forum. The good news about that kind of strength on your part is that you are allowing other people of every age range facing this same exact or similar issue to also find solace and help.
It seems to me that the current obstacle you are facing is that the boy to which you refer is obviously lacking in integrity. Rather than having character he seems to be a character. Such a guy would not be a very trustworthy husband, or be a good example as a father later on. Of course, if he chose to do so, he could change through a spiritual process. Be he would have to want to make that choice and then do the hard internal work it takes to rise to a higher level of honesty.
Unless he does just that, you may as well face the possibility of relationship trouble with this boy all of your life, if you were to push forward and marry him. If he cannot be faithful to you now, he is not likely to be later, unless he experiences character rehabilitation.
My advice to you is to take a break. Open yourself up to the possibilities all around you and then ask yourself, “What do I really want in a relationship?” Also inquire within about “What would really make me feel happy and secure in a romantic partner?” Be sure to include prayer and quiet reflection in the mix. Allow God to speak to you through the still small voice deep within your heart. It is there you will find the strength and the will to make a quality decision about your future. I have just finished a new resource that comes in the form of a pocket size booklet entitled, “Finding Love God’s Way.” You may request a copy completely free by writing [email protected].
As always we invite you and all of our readers to Worship with us in person each weekend or through our broadcasts. All the info may be found at epworth.com. May God continue to bless you, Tiffany and all of our faithful readers each week as together we reach higher to become everything God wants us to be.